Joy of Cooking, Recipe 1: Chicken Pot Pie

My first attempt at the Joy of Cooking was Chicken Pot Pie, for the sole reason that I was craving it. This recipe isn't just one recipe, though. No, no, that would be too easy. This recipe was actually 3 recipes, and would have been 4 if I didn't buy a premade rotisserie chicken from Sprouts.

First you have to make the base, which seems simple enough. Just melt some butter in the pan, whisk in some flour, stir until smooth, add some broth and some milk - then stir in the shredded chicken. Easy enough, right? Well, I had either too much flour or too little butter, because I got butter pebbles. I fought my way through it, and it was finally thickened and hearty looking.

The second step is to make the topping. Are you going to make a pie? Because then you use one recipe. Do you want to use biscuits? Use another altogether. If you are making biscuits, do you want to use regular or buttermilk? If you are using regular, will they be traditional or quick??

I will pause just a moment to tell you about me and decision making. Mark will tell you that I'm terrible at decisions, but love being given choices. I have this horrible feeling that if I make a particular choice that it will be the worse one yet, and I will have somehow screwed everything up. Lordy.

That in mind, I decided on buttermilk biscuits.

I've never been good at pastry. I think it's God plan for me to fight pastry making of any kind. That one day I make it good and right, I will feel I have conquered the pastry king, and the next day, most likely I will die. Ugh.

So I made the biscuits and left them in the fridge in a sticky ball in a metal bowl.

The last step is to chop up the veggies, and then sautee them just a bit in butter (oh yes, I said it, BUTTER - not olive oil, not canola oil, pure BUTTER). Add a little salt and pepper to taste then mix that with the base.

Sprouts didn't have frozen peas, so I didn't add that, but I did put in the parsley (which by the way, has no flavor, really, so what IS the point?). I mixed it all together and put it in a prepared 9x13. I made very sloppy balls out of the dough and dropped them on top.

I let it cook, and let me tell you, the smell was divine. Oh yummy.. I made it last night because I tend to get off work late, and my house mates are not willing to eat at 8:30 or 9:00 pm. So Aunt Isy reheated our casserole today and it was dinner tonight. I was pleasantly surprised at how yummy it was. The biscuits were ugly, but they tasted good to me. I even went back for seconds, and I'll have some for work tomorrow. YIPPEE!!

Not sure what the next recipe to conquer will be. Any suggestions?

Uncertainty

This week is a big week for us. Our whole life hinges on what happens this week. No matter what, I'm visiting California in a couple weeks to attend the baby shower of my pledge bro Melissa. But for the past 4 months, Mark and I have constantly been asked, "So when are you getting a job in Texas?" or "So what's going on with the job in Texas??". We keep telling people that we'll know more in January.

Well, it's now January.

Mark will make THE CALL and see if there will budget to get him out here in the next few months. If there is budget, he'll be out here probably by March. If not - I have no idea what will happen.

And we have zero control over anything.

None.

Zip.

Zilch.

Nada.

So, if you live with me, work with me, communicate with me in any way, pardon my distraction. My future is in the hands of this company I love, and what they decide will decide if we stay in Texas or find roots somewhere else.

Ugh.

No pressure.

Happy New Year 2010

Well readers, it's New Year's Eve and I'm still in Oklahoma, sucking up the loving from my niece and nephew. Most folks are probably busy making resolutions about the coming year. They are deciding to shape up, be better people, blah blah blah..

Not me.

Mostly because I've yet to meet someone who has actually KEPT their resolution. And also because I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Kidding aside, most of the things I want are out of my control. I want to live in the same state as my husband - more on that later. But its something I can't control. I want to buy a house, and start a family. But all that hinges on living in the same state as my husband - again, out of my control. So, I will set out some goals for the new year. Because this is the year that Mark and I start to set some roots and start up our home. So what can I do to prepare for that??

Goal #1: Get my body into baby making shape. I don't want to be skinny. So, I need to prepare my body to be a temple to the "tator tot" that will soon be conceived ("tator tot" comes from the joke that my brother has "beans" for babies - since he's still a Castro, and still Mexican. I'm now Irish, and the Irish are known for potatoes... yadda yadda yadda.. you get it..). I think I could stand to lose about 30 - 40 lbs.

Goal #2: Prepare my bank account for the incoming mortgage. To do this, I'm not sure what I'll do - most likely not purchase the things I really want, and stick with those things I really need.

Case in point: before Christmas I purchased the book "The Joy of Cooking". I was so excited for my purchase, that I stayed up until midnight the night I bought it, just skimming the pages. Because that is my crack cocaine: COOKBOOKS. Additionally, I purchased the book: Julie and Julia, which got me excited about cooking. Today, Mark and I went to Barnes & Noble, where I found Julia Child's "Mastering the Art of French Cooking". I sat in the aisle, opening the vintage blue cover and found myself growing excited. "I need this", I told myself. "Really?", I replied back to myself, "do you need this $40 cookbook, or do you need a house more?".

Damn.. Got me there.

"But I really really want this book"

"Where are you going to cook all these wonderful things? And for whom will you be cooking? Because Mark is still in California"

"Yes but I could practice until he gets here."

"Really? What about Joy of Cooking, mastered anything in that one yet? Cuz you really needed that one too."

Good point.

So - arguement with myself over (yes, I do that quite often), I put the book back. The glorious vintage recipes and ink drawings went back to the shelf. Which leaves me to my last goal:

Goal #3: Master Joy of Cooking. My reward will be Volume I of Mastering the Art of French Cooking.

I think in order to accomplish all of these, I will have to overcome one small barrier: Mind over Mattress. I need to get up earlier. I love more than anything to sleep in, especially on cold days, but I'm going to have to get up to accomplish all of these goals. Mostly because I need to get into work earlier. Then I can go to the gym for 30 mins of running (ugh.. I cringe just writing it). That will get me home in time to make dinner. And since there are only 3 of us at home eating, I'll have some for lunch, meaning I won't go out - saving time and money. I'll need your help here, readers. I'll need you to remind me of how important my goals are, and how all I need to do is overcome the "mind over mattress".

So maybe I have resolutions, but I fully intend to accomplish them this year. The year 2010 is the year for Mark and Anje. Our long term family goals will be accomplished! And it all starts on January 1!!

Happy New Year! Let's make it a great one!

No Christmas Cards This Year

It's our second Christmas as a married couple. And I think I've outdone myself this year - although Mark is sure to prove me wrong. I put a lot of thought into my gift giving this year.

My parents are coming out to Oklahoma from California. I can't believe it. Finally. They know Brianna pretty well, but they don't know Stephen and Shyanne at all. So to see them have fun together will be amazing to watch. Plus, Rachael's parents and my parents will finally meet. I think they'll get along splendidly. Time will tell..

What was I talking about before I digressed?? Oh yes: gift giving! We got each of the kids 3 gifts, plus I got to buy them gifts from my parents (so they don't have to ship). We picked names for the adults. I got my brother, Mark drew my dad, and my gramp drew Mark's name. So I got to buy gifts for Mark (from me and Gramp), my dad, and the kids. Plus, I got to nudge my mom on what to get for my gramp. I'm just really hoping everyone likes what they get, and that they realize this year is so special. It's special because it will be the first time that we will all be together as a family. Mom and Dad, their kids, and now their families. I'm relishing seeing my folks again. My dad and I usually do the Charger games during the season, but since I'm not there, I don't watch much football. So being able to just sit next to him and watch it on TV will have to be enough! Mom and I sit and talk and talk and talk ; then laugh and laugh and laugh - on the phone just isn't the same.

Christmas is supposed to be about being with family. Aunt Isy wrote in her Christmas letter this year that the best we can give others is the gift of our time. I read about my high school friend who battled cancer, and I realize that time is a gift. I exchange emails with new people I met after a mutual friend's suicide and I realize that time is a gift. But mostly, I think about my grandma, who passed away three years ago Thanksgiving. I think how much she would love to give her time with her great-grand babies; and I know time is a gift.

Since I've been attending church at Frisco, I've noticed little changes in myself. I've noticed that God sometimes asks me to do things. Not in the creepy "the voices told me to" kind of way. In the, "maybe I should send my brother a text right now so he knows that I'm thinking of him" kind of way. Used to be, I ignored those thoughts, and went about my way. Pastor Sandi's message one Sunday of "Don't ask me to do something God has called on you to do", just really hit home with me. So, I send my brother those messages. I tell my dad I love him every time I talk to him. And I call my Uncle Billy, just to ask him to help me with my new boots. I'm sure I could figure out the boots, but how cool that I get to hear about how to do it from my Uncle. I was just really compelled to do that.

Christmas is also a time to count your blessings. We should really do it all through the year, but Christmas is that magical time when I stop and really take inventory of all the things I have in my life. I have a wonderful husband, who takes good care of me. Our relationship isn't perfect, but I know that I can depend on him, and I love him so much. I have a fantastic family, an aunt who has opened her home and heart for me. I've got friends who take the time to keep in touch, even if I am living so far from them. I have my Libby kitty, who follows me all over the house. I have a great job, that pays me well, and keeps me busy. It's not my life's ambition, but I work with some truly fantastic individuals. And in all that, I try to keep love in my heart, and a smile on my face. Because when your life is as full as mine, you may not always get what you want (and ask Mark, I do still throw tantrums), but you certainly get what you need, and what God knows you should have.

So Merry Christmas, everyone. May your new year be merry, bright, and full of happiness!!

Finding Closure

In the midst of the past few days, I've been struggling to find closure with my friend, Joe's suicide. I've shared emails with his sister and his friends. I've shared with my aunt, my pastor, and a couple close friends. I think that while I talked and shared, what I was really searching for was an answer to the very basic question: WHY??

Joe's co-worker, Kari, and I have been exchanging emails quite a bit. I received an email from a friend of Joe's who wasn't on that fateful email notification. In all of it, I learned tidbits of information that I didn't know about Joe. I didn't know that Dickens, his beloved cat, died of heatstroke, after Joe attempted to cure him with home remedies. I didn't know that the same vet told him that he'd killed his own cat. I didn't know that while taking the train one day, he'd been assaulted. That he was beaten up badly. I didn't know that he'd been laid off from St. Baldricks, and that he'd found new work, but he didn't like it at all. I didn't know that he served several years in the Irish military. These and various other facts; all things I didn't know.

So why did Joe put my name on that email? Why did God fate me to cross paths with this person? I believe that people are put into you life for a reason, so what was his reasoning in crossing our lives?

I don't have any answers. And even though I scour the notes sent to me from his friends and acquaintences, the reality is, I may never know. Maybe that is the most frustrating part - not knowing. I hadn't spoken to Joe in quite some time, and in fact didn't know a lot about what was going on with him. Perhaps I should have called more often, or perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. Today, in this moment, all I can do is pray for healing for his family. And today, I can tell you a really funny story about my friend, Joe Kelly from Ireland. Today, I will choose to stop being angry with him, and I will be at peace that the hurt he was feeling is over, and mostly, I will thank God that he brought him into my life.

My friend, Joe

This week has just been the pits, really.

Back before I met Mark, I was involved with an organization called the Long Beach Jay Cees. I was elected to the board to do community type events. Early on, I had a run in with the president, and needless to say, my efforts with the Jay Cees ended with her ultimatum to me: my way or the highway. Not one to bow down to someone I don't agree with, I took the highway. While on board, I met an Irishman named Joe Kelly. He was here from Ireland, had been married to an American, but their marriage ended up in a nasty divorce. He was working with the Long Beach Symphony, and had managed to get us in to see a couple shows. When I parted the Jay Cees, Joe parted as well. Turns out he didn't take kindly to bullies either, and voila, a friendship was formed. Joe needed a volunteer, and I needed a new cause. So I started volunteering with the symphony. I would arrive before the show started, sit at a table, and do whatever it was that Joe needed me to do. Usually, I answered questions, passed out pamphlets, or gave directions. Joe would go off, doing whatever it was that he did, visiting with patrons, and making sure all was well. Every once in a while, he would come over and whisper to me about such and such patron who was a big wig in the community. Or we'd gawk at the outrageous outfits. But we certainly had a good time. I think I was with them for about 2 years while Joe was there.

Then Joe was fired.

I was horrified. I couldn't believe that they could treat him so horribly. I got an email with the horrible news, and I put Mark to work. One of his friends is an employment lawyer, and I was on a mission to right Joe's wrong. The person who did this - and I do remember who he is - was going rue the day he'd messed with my friend Joe, who worked so hard for so very little. And he was fired for no reason other than he'd asked for a raise. Joe decided he didn't want to pursue the legal path, but it didn't stop me. I didn't go back to volunteer with them. I did go back to Crescendo (their big fundraiser) a few times while Joe also volunteered. But I didn't go to performances, nor did I volunteer for the aforementioned person who fired Joe. Jerk.

So, Joe and I didn't get to see one another for some time after that. We'd talk sometimes, or we'd email. We connected on myspace. I'd get the occasional joke, or I'd forward one off.

On Monday morning, I sat at my desk, and opened up my email. Never in my wildest imagination would I have guessed what was waiting for me. Never could I have guessed what I was preparing to read. Nothing prepared me for it.

It was just before 9 am. I opened my email, and deleted one facebook message. The next email, I opened, was from my friend, Joe Kelly. And this is how it started, "Dear Friends, By the time you are reading this, I will have left this earth, and hopefully my soul will have passed to a better place."

At first, I thought it was some kind of joke, or maybe one of those inspirational emails. But the flags were waving and the buzzing was going in my head.

Joe was telling us, there were several on the email, that we were receiving this email because we somehow made a difference in his life. He goes on to try and explain why he has decided to take his own life. He talks about being broken, emotionally and spiritually. And my head, as I am reading, is just reeling. Because, this can't be real, and it can't be happening. My friend, Joe, the fun loving Irishman, who cracked me up with stories of his cat, Dickens, can NOT be telling me that he's going to kill himself. Right? I mean, that's not reality. Is it?

Unfortunately, it was reality. It was cold reality. I had no idea what to do. After reading it, Mark came online, and I frantically IM'd him (praying that he wouldn't be too busy to respond). "Mark, Joe Kelly is going to kill himself - what do I do??". Mark told me to call the police and give them as much information as I could.

Now I was on a mission. "It's not too late", I told myself over and over, "he'll be fine, and we'll find him, and I'll fly home this weekend if I have to talk sense into him.. and he's just crying out for help.. we'll find him.. it's not too late".

This is the conversation I had with Officer Alvarez from the LAPD:

OA: Does Joseph have a middle name?
me: I don't think so, but I don't know.
OA: OK. What's his address?
me: I don't know - he used to live in San Pedro somewhere.
OA: Do you know where?
me: No, I've never been there.
OA: OK. What's his phone number?
me: I don't know.
OA: What's his birthday?
me: I don't know.
OA: What kind of car does he drive?
me: I don't know.
OA: Ma'am, you're not giving us a lot to go on, what do you know?
me: I know that my friend Joe sent me an email that he's going to kill himself, that's what I do know.

After several phone calls with Officer Alvarez at the LAPD, it was confirmed that Joe did, in fact, commit suicide. He did it at the Fort MacArthur Museum in San Pedro. He had been living in Pasadena.

In the midst of all this, I was at work. I had to get some projects done. But I just couldn't function. People would come over to talk to me, and I just couldn't process what they had said. My friend, Joe, was all alone, and he was dead, and I just couldn't process that. I couldn't wrap my brain around it. I re-read his email dozens of times. Others on the email train began writing back - had anyone heard anything, is it true, what's the status, etc. Then it turned to questions of a memorial and his family, and what will happen to his new kitty, Vibi (turns out Dickens must have passed, because he didn't have him anymore - another tidbit I didn't know).

Mostly, all the what-ifs come out. What if I had been a better friend to him? What if I called more often? What if I knew his birthday? What if .. What if.. What if.. Your head tells you, there is nothing that can be done. He was in such a place where this was his last resort, and he was going to do it no matter what, and no one could have stopped him.

But my heart tells a completely different story. How could I not know his birthday, or his phone number? What kind of friend doesn't know that basic information? My heart aches for this person that I thought I was friend to, but I really wasn't. No, maybe I didn't drive him to this, he obviously had a lot going on that I didn't know about. But I can't help but be tortured. Every night this week, I go to sleep, thinking about my friend Joe. I just don't understand the pain he was in. I can't fathom feeling that alone, or feeling the need to take myself out of this world. I just don't get that. And I'm angry with Joe for doing this. For sending me an email telling me he was leaving, and I don't get any say. I'm angry at myself for not making his friendship more of a priority.

And wouldn't you know it. I'm feeling sad on the drive home from work on Tuesday, and I've worked myself into a real tizzy, and guess who calls? My BFF, Barry. "Hey, haven't heard from you, and I just want to see how you're doing". I mean really - someone's hand was in that act of friendship. And so I unloaded on Barry - everything that happened, and how I was feeling, and what was going on. And Barry just listened. Because that's what Barry does. He just takes it all in, and once you're ready, he'll tell you what you need to hear. Maybe that's what Joe was trying to teach me - keep up with others.

Because you never know when they won't be there.

So now, I end with a pause to my friend, Joseph Martin Kelly. I stop and remember the hilarious light up antlers he wore at the holiday show every year. I remember having dinner with him at the Auld Dubliner. I remember the crazy stories he told, like when they were building up downtown Long Beach, and all the toilets were on balconies of the new high rise apartments. The stories of Dickens, who attacked Joe quite frequently, but picked the winners of the email drawings by sitting on the winning entry. I remember this man for the funny, interesting person that I shared talks with. And I thank God for blessing me with my short time with him.

Maybe now, Joe you will find peace. And now you know, you were never broken, and you never needed to be fixed.

DC: Day 5

Day 5 was super cold. Or to my SoCal blood it was freezing. I had on my coat, and a couple layers below it, plus my scarf. BRR!

We didn't get to see the monuments on our hop on/off tour the prior day, so we used our 2nd day pass to go see as many as we could. We stopped at the Jefferson Memorial, and spent our time leisurely checking him out. Did you know that he faces the White House? When FDR dedicated the Jefferson Memorial, he had the trees in front of the South Portico of the White House removed so that President Jefferson could see it. Kinda cool, huh?

From there, we walked over to the FDR Memorial. Really, the FDR memorial is a series of statues and waterfalls among granite. There are references to the Great Depression, to the war, and also a statue to Eleanor Roosevelt, the only first lady with a memorial.

From there, we hopped back on the trolley to head back to the Capitol building. We had a tour there, and we were really looking forward to it. I have to tell you that we were not disappointed. The Capitol is just massive, and yet beautiful. The House was in session, and I'm thinking that it was Nancy Pelosi's car that I saw parked out front surrounded by Secret Service. The tour started with a short video, about the history of the Capitol building itself (for instance, did you know that it was built during the civil war, when metal was at it's most valuable? Lincoln insisted that the Capitol continue being built as a visual reminder that the United States would once again be whole - interesting, huh?? OK, maybe it's just me.). From there we walked around to the Rotunda, where several presidents have laid in state. We went to the hall of presidents. Each state may have 2 statues in the Capitol at any time. Sometimes they switch them out, but they can only have 2 per state. California's statues were Junipero Serra, and Ronald Reagan. We also got to see where the Supreme Court used to preside. That room was rather dark, and it was about the same time that my camera batteries died. The architecture is truly amazing, and I highly recommend it for anyone visiting the Capitol to take tour. It's free and it's worth it.

From there, we walked across the street to the Library of Congress. The architecture here is spectacular. We walked all around, to the different exhibits. We really didn't have the time to really read everything. There was a rough draft of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution on display. Plus, a whole exhibit on starting our country. It ended with an exhibit that looked like a mini library, within the Library of Congress. At one time, while Jefferson was president, the British attempted to burn down the Capitol where all the books at the time were held. Thomas Jefferson was appalled that all of that valuable information was destroyed, so he offered to sell Congress his books at whatever price they deemed acceptable. He had a huge collection varying from gardening and cooking, to philosophy and law. Every book was purchased, and became the start of the Library of Congress. Some volumes are missing, so the display shows which were in his actual library, and which have been replaced. It also shows which were in his library, but are not locatable, so they have place holders. It was really amazing.

We didn't stay long, though because we had plans to meet with Danita and her family for dinner. She picked us up at the metro stop outside Andrews AFB, and we met with her hubby and 3 kids for dinner. It was lots of fun, but I loved it when Danita told me that Alyssa, her 5 year old, had decided that I was half her aunt too. For a 5 year old, blended families are a lot to take in and understand, but I thought that was pretty perceptive of her to try and be included. And I'm fine with that really. At dinner, Alyssa shared a very funny story, that I will now share with you. I'm not sure that I"ll get the entire hilarity of the story here, but I assure you, I died laughing. But before that, a little about Alyssa. She has long blond hair, and its a little curly in the back. And she really doesn't like for it to be brushed. So here is our conversation:

Alyssa: "I sleep with a rat!".
Me: "you do?"
A: "yes, and sleeps right here (pats the back crown of her head)"
M: "really?"(at this point I'm thinking it's a stuffed animal)
A: "yes, and it makes a nest every day! That's why I call it my rat's nest"

And she proudly shows me where Daddy could not get the tangles out, so there is a rat's nest on the back of her head! Too funny!! What kids say, I swear.

After dinner, Danita dropped us off at the metro, and Brianna came back with us to the hotel. She was going to get to spend the day with us, and we couldn't have been more thrilled. We decided to go see the Museum of Natural History, the Smithsonian Castle, the Washington Monument and the Old Post Office. Alyssa was none too pleased that Brianna was getting to go and she wasn't, but Danita explained that Alyssa's daddy sees her all the time, so any time Brianna can see her daddy's family is special. She seemed to get that. Maybe next time we are here, we can spend more time with Alyssa.

Back at the hotel we hung out and talked, and finally went to bed. Brianna stayed up late watching TV, which was fine with us. She eventually went to sleep, and wasn't too cranky in the morning.

But that is for Day 6 - our final day in DC... stay tuned...